About once a month I take a quick look at the search terms people use to find me online:
- ammonite suits, ammonite powers
Ammonite as superhero, very cool.
- what do ammonites taste like
They’re made of stone.
- what do ammonites eat
They’re made of stone.
- ammonite reconnection lyrics
Ammonites don’t reconnect with lost family or ex-wives or their inner child because they’re, y’know, made of stone.
- swallowing stones quotes
But I guess you could still eat them.
- as we walk under stars everything is becoming clearly so hard we try to make it work
Oof, this one makes me ache.
- “is the pain very bad”, “little book that could” cancer, a drug to make everything slower
I absolutely understand the need to slow down the world and savour the good parts. I even do my best to savour the bad parts because, hey, sometimes the bad parts of today feel like the good parts tomorrow.
- what is reading?
This one feels like a koan. When I contemplated it my brain began to feel like the worm Ouroboros which, now I think about, looks a bit like an ammonite.
- once upon a cat, burrowing wasps, flea circus Seattle, riding the pony
A search for once upon a cat gets 3,620,000 hits, riding the pony more than 7.29 million, and burrowing wasps 102,000. The animal connection is strong but puzzling.
- I’m not scared by Nicola
Well, good for you.
- nicola wonder woman
But perhaps you should be.
- nicola porn
Oh, here we go
- keltic porn, Hild porn, saxon porn, saxon porno, saxon pron, saxon prom
Dress, check. Sword, check. Corsage, check.
- loud bang Bridlington 21 august
It was me, at the Saxon prom, clearly having more fun than I realised
- contemplate navel, contemplate one’s navel, contemplate your navel, fucking navel, navel fucking, fucking my gf at Whitby abbey
What to do after the prom at Bridlington
- vertical fainting
I don’t even know which way up this one goes. Though I did find out that there’s something called suspension trauma which is very dangerous indeed. Basically, if you faint standing up (while in a confined space, or hanging from a climbing harness or something), you’ll die. And I would never have known that without this query.
- how many stories in a short story collection
Another koan. One that makes me want to reach out and hug all the puzzled people and say, it’ll be alright, just get some sleep. Things will look better in the morning…
- questions i should be asking my characters, questions to ask cost benefit analysis
These questions probably aren’t too dissimilar: should I do this?
- girls only world, woman lift me, winning is wonderful, the pursuit of happiness
Yay for the optimists!
- naked blonde from Immingham
Well, oddly enough, I do have a story about that, but not one I’d share here. (And Immingham isn’t far from Bridlington, which isn’t that far from Whitby…)
- laws of lesbian relationship involving 19 and 16 yr old
Whoever you are, I hope you’re somewhere like England because once you’re 16, no one cares, no one can hurt you. Just remember that.
- not today josephine
- bare body tennis
Ow, ow, ow.
- draw me crazy
I certainly will, especially if you play bare body tennis
- blue place game
A board game, perhaps. Throw a six and everything slows down and you get to dart in and out of a crowd like a hummingbird among elephants. Throw less than six and Aud drops by for a little chat. What do you mean, not good odds. Wait, where are you going…?
- magic moment ho ho wushu on sunday, soo bahk do porn
Your martial arts sound so much more jolly than mine ever were.
- pictures of naked women in water with silk robes, slow under silk her wet, women with bullfrogs
I’m guessing that this kind of fetish springs from some primal trauma but from my perspective ignorance is bliss
- what’s a tazer bard look like?
Damn, I wish I could draw. I’d illustrate this post with Superammonite in a little cape, tazer bards, Saxons at the prom… The wacky intarweb is a wild, wild world. I’m glad of all those people who yearn and seek and search. May you all find.