Another in my occasional series of listing search terms people use to find this blog:

things I like, thigs I like, thugs I like
–Aud can be a bit of a thug, sometimes

troll bread, stories of trolls who roast women on spits
— but she wouldn’t do that

is an ammonite danger in any way
 — according to those who have read the novel, it could turn you into a lesbian (because dyke cooties are *that* communicable…), or save your life (flotation device? a snack? takes the bullet meant for your heart?), or it could make you leave your corporate job and become a travelling storyteller (which will kill your bank balance for sure)

after dates women ask the male out
— I’m not sure I’ve ever actually ‘dated’ (it strikes me as a wholly weird way to get to know someone; actually it strikes me as behaviour designed to prevent people getting to know each other) so I’m no authority, but shouldn’t one ask someone out *before* the date?

answer questions about shame
— wow, is dating *that* embarrassing?

is there such a thing as bisexual, no such bisexuality, lesbians dont exist
— just keep singing la-la-la and all the scary monsters will go away

massage whitby don’t ask
— alrighty then

nicola cunt
— no, but I have one

nicola immigration lawyer
— I have one of those, too

nicola bent gaybo, nicola is gay, nicola queer
— all true

no pants babes
— a long time ago, yes, but sadly there are no pictures

promiscuity and demonic possession, homosexuality possession
— oooh, I want to see that movie!

swang swang, swang swang swang swang
— a giant panda? conjoined giant pandas?

swing swang swung seattle
— a battle chant?

why good writing is hard
— oh, if only I could answer that one

haemarroids and alcohol consumption research
— oh. dear. god.

awards for sexual discrimination
— they give *prizes* for this now??

gum snapping, how to proceed with death of mother
— a gum-snapping matricidal homo-demonically possessed maniac; I really, really want to see that movie

nicola griffith box set
— no-pants nicola, gaybo nicola, gum-snapping nicola; I want to see the little outfits

reasons why I love partying
— my kind of girl

squint see spaceship
— yeah, all that partying does have consequences

sword of ammonites, tolkien god
— I can see this as a five-book series…

is shrugging insulting, strawberry as an insult
— …set in an alternate universe…

10 second – the whole life
— …where it doesn’t pay to throw those strawberries and shrugs around in the wrong company

beautiful sin, beautiful sin poetry, dykesburg dive poetry
— this sounds like an excellent evening

I’m afraid of Americans, I’m afraid of demonic possession, audio from demon possession
— one way to consider David Bowie’s oeuvre, I suppose

how to ask how old she is in French
— I’m not going to touch that one

“a razor blade gave me freedom from the dorms. a small rectangle of steel, incredibly sharp on two sides. it came wrapped in paper, with the words not for use by children printed on the side. i was eleven years old then. eight years ago, which means i am probably the oldest human alive.”
— this sounds like the beginning of a story; anyone want to continue it? [EDIT: Turns out this is the beginning of a Garth Nix novel, Shade’s Children.]