Every few weeks I list some of the search terms people use to find me on the web. Sometimes I understand how searchers got from their terms to my blog. Sometimes, eh, not so much.

This time, I’m going for an eerie few rather than a welter of weirdness. I’ll start, as always, with the ammonites. Actually I’ve chosen just one ammonite today:

ammonite fanfic
This made me laugh. I was talking to Kelley about it over lunch. Har har har, I said, can you imagine a bunch o’ ammonites with propeller beanies sitting around and writing fanfic? What do you suppose they’d write about? Har har har… K gave me a strange look, and said, Babe, I guess they were looking for fanfic set in the world of Ammonite. I blinked. Oh, I said, I didn’t think of that. And felt like a moron.

– drunk and freaky song
Oh, no, now I can’t stop singing that fucking song *again*. Searcher, Kelley does not thank you. I do not thank you. My chair, which is creaky and old and not built for a grownup bouncing around and bellowing, “Let’s get drunk and freaky!” does not thank you.

– 2 quotes from the left handed envelope
For what ever reason, I’m quite taken with this one. What would a quote from the left-handed envelope look like? And why only two? Five points for your suggestions.

– books own nebula and literary award
I love the ‘and’. Because everyone knows the Nebula, awarded for f/sf fiction, isn’t a ‘literary’ award; it’s genre. (Tuh.) And, as the winner of the prestigous Neboola award and five Lambadas, I should know.

– do heroin users eat mandarin oranges
I do not understand how the searcher got from there to here. But to answer the question, from what I know of heroin users most of the time they don’t eat much of anything. When they do eat, they’re as likely to go for the crate the oranges came in, the label on the canned oranges, or the receipt they found at the bottom of the grocery bag. They get confused.

– how to avoid the cops run away hide and throw them a donut
I’m seeing a Buster Keaton film here, cue thrumming melodramatic piano…

– oatley fix-it stick
I am Officially Puzzled about this one. Five points to anyone who comes up with a good guess.

– retcon battlestar galactica
Well, they do that all the time. And often with really, really boring episodes full of talking heads: Oh, my, Ellen is a cylon. Why yes she is–her husband killed her, you know. Why yes, I did know that, and he’s a cylon, too. By the way, do you believe in god? The one true god? Etc.

– what are some general things lesbians like
We like it when BSG isn’t full of talking heads but explosions. We like sunny days (except in mid-summer, and then we like rain). And, of course, we like girls.

– naked women in women’s self defense course
We like these, too, though have never encountered any. (I suddenly feel as though I’ve led a very sheltered life.)

– shameless english girls
Oh, hey, this also works.

– say it again slowly that thing about the river
Oddly, I had a zillion variations on this one this month.

– sir nicola
I’m still hoping

– ways to make nicola happy
Here are my dozen daily delights, plus a list of things I like. Shameless naked girls, a knighthood, and explosions, as already noted, also work.

– well on that note
Yes, making me happy is a good place to stop.