Last night I was watching Outlander (yes, I really was; yes, it was deeply mediocre; no, Jim Caviezel does not smile) and wondered what it is about these pseudo Beowulf films that’s been so popular with studios lately. They cost a fair amount to make; they don’t make that money back at the box office (and the DVD market isn’t nearly what it was) and they certainly don’t earn kudos.
So there I was, after a fabulous summer dinner* watching John Hurt, Ron Perlman, Jim Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Jack Huston and others running around in bearskins and beard pigtails, waving swords, holding aloft the hissing torches, taking turns to creep into the cave or the woods and die heroically. And it suddenly came to me: Hollywood execs greenlight these films because the old guys get to carry swords, kill monsters, and be king. Those execs in their bespoke suits and handmade shoes, with their sixth trophy wife already plotting divorce under punitive California law, sit and dream of How It Used To Be, Goddammit: when men their age were respected, and strong, and wise, and useful. And so they okay the film, and live vicariously on the edge of a fjord, striding bare-armed and pony-tailed into single combat, going out in a blaze of glory to protect their people.
And, hey, what’s wrong with that? This is a perfectly fine 2-star movie. The alien/dragon/morwen effects are, well, less than stellar, the historical authenticity somewhat dubious (I’m being kind–but it’s clear they tried) and there isn’t a single surprising moment. But for the Alien vs. Beowulf genre, it really doesn’t suck. Certainly worth getting from Netflix.
* That dinner? Homemade salmon cakes (salmon, mashed potato, fresh dill) with asparagus and homemade pilaf (brown rice, green peppers, green onions, mushrooms, courgettes, pine nuts, toasted almonds), followed by Burlatt cherries (delicious, perfect fucking cherries, bought from a roadside fruit stand) dipped one by one in organic, very local, very fresh, cream. After food like that I could sit through two hours of watching the test card, never mind a film with swords! ponies! heroism!
With a lukewarm recommendation like that, I will not be adding it to my queue. Especially without the homemade salmon cakes. Courgettes? Oh, you mean zucchini? :)
I really wish I wasn't hearing luke warm things– VIKIINGS VERSUS ALIENS IS MY JAM! Or would be. Also, I like that “eh, it didn't SUCK suck” counts as lukewarm to me, apparently.
You people have some of the best cherries out there. Lucky.
I'm going to skip the movie though. Too many I need to catch up on anyway right now and the netflix Q is completely out of control as it is. MK didn't waste her youth watching dreck, like I did. So, she's had to catch up with Rosemary's Baby, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (one of the best movies ever made, imo), and just about everything starring Linda Blair.
jennifer d, courgettes, definitely. (And mange tout. And aubergine. And chips. Etc.) But you can call them what you like (she said magnanimously).
mordicai, yep, lukewarm but sometimes that's just the ticket after a hard day of brain work.
jennifer from p, Rosemary's Baby…oh, it's been a while.
Well, lucky for me I know what courgettes are (because I looked it up last time you mentioned them). But here we again – mange tout? I'm thinking eat it all, now she's speaking french on us?? Is she telling me she cleaned her plate? But no, it's peas. Huh. Then eggplant. Chips ok — even I knew that one. Learn something new here every day. One of the myriad reasons I like this blog.
And capsicums, and crisps, and bitter… :)
Capsicums? Well that sounds appetizing as hell. :) Bell peppers are not my favorite anyway.
But crisps? Now you're making me want some potato chips and a beer (or two)….
I want me some mediocre dragon fighting. The dinner doesn't sound half bad either. :)