Friend of Ask Nicola Angélique Corthals drew this cartoon of me arriving for the first time in this country (in 1988) to go to Clarion.
I know I’ve told this story somewhere, but I can’t remember where (if anyone can, feel free to send me the link and I’ll add it later). So here the Reader’s Digest version: I arrived in this country not knowing it was illegal for dykes (and gay men) to enter. (Didn’t know that this fine country discriminated against us fine queer folk? It was illegal until 1990 or ’91. It’s only just–this year, this year–become legal for people with HIV to enter.) I had a buzzcut, an axe earring, big boots, and an attitude. (Eh, I was young.) The immigration officer started to give me a hard time; I gave him a What-stone-did-you-crawl-out-from-under? look and folded my arms. It turns out that ignorance is not only bliss, it apparently has protective powers. The immigration person didn’t understand why I wasn’t quivering. He frowned, reconsidered the wisdom of his approach (clearly the axe and Radical Debutante t-shirt meant something different to the English; perhaps I had some ace up my sleeve–powerful friends, perhaps?) then waved me through. I slung him an Asshole! look over my shoulder and strolled off, whistling. I shudder, now, to think how close I was to not being allowed in, to never meeting Kelley.
But, hey, that’s my lesson: give good glare. Works for me.
Nicola Griffith 
OMG. How great is that? Love it.
That glare thing has not always worked so well for me though – maybe I'm just not as good at it as you were. I've come to believe (somewhat begrudgingly) that maybe that old saying is right – about catching more flies with honey?
I think it was less a glare (I just couldn't resist the alliteration) than my absolutely impervious, unfazed ignorance. I just *knew* they couldn't keep me out and so…they couldn't. I find a lot of life is like that. I Act As If. I assume people will treat me well, and so they do.
When it fails, it can fail spectacularly, though…
The alliteration was fun. I'm with you on the Acting As If. I tend to do that too – I assume people will treat me well, and I assume they deserve to be treated well too. And yes, sometimes that assumption proves painfully wrong, but I still think it's the best place to start.
I'm curious to know what he did to give you a hard time. Since it was only a couple of years from them changing the law, I wonder if they were already getting direction to back off.
Alisa, a variety of comments about my appearance. I wasn't paying that much attention (I was used to law enforcement bluster and harrassment; anything up to and including physical search and being thrown against the wall just sorta bounced off me). I do remember him looking at my passport photo (some hair–not a lot, but some), looking at my buzz cut and saying, “What happened to your hair?” I said, “I grew up.” The rest, shrug, dunno, just the usual hassle bullshit.