I’ve broken my toe. It’s a lovely shade of blue and purple–periwinkle, perhaps. So I’m even more gimpy than usual and very irritable.

In the general scheme of things, a broken toe is no big deal (I’ve done it twice before). The regimen is simple: ice, tape, elevate, NSAIDS. Rinse and repeat (though changing to alternating ice and heat after 48 hours). The thing is, icing and heating are wholly tedious, and mostly–it’s a very small toe–I don’t bother.

But, hey, if you want to send sympathy wine, truffles, caviar, pâté, flowers, rare first edition, or dancing girls, I won’t say no…