Somewhere in Seattle there’s a nurse with a crushed hand. My fault. She was holding my hand while another nurse was trying, for the third time, to get an IV line in.
Why was I holding hands with a nurse? Because Kelley wasn’t there.
I hate IVs. I have a bad history (several long stories that I’m not going to go into here). My veins are very hard to find, and, when you do find them, they tend to collapse. I have the vasovagal thing. So when a person holding a needle and a bag of saline gets close I either pass out or go to flight/fight. Kelley can usually quell this instinct with a look: You’re a grownup! But this time Kelley wasn’t allowed in the room.
In the US it’s frowned upon to actually restrain one’s patient with shackles, so to keep me still when my survival instincts kicked in (I had thoughtfully warned the team) a bunch of nurses were attempting to smother me with kindness: cuddly heated blankets to bind my legs, oxygen cannula to keep my head still, one nurse hanging on one arm, one on the other, one hovering as backup. “What lovely soft skin you have!” said the one holding my hand with a fixed smile as I ground her bones to dust. “Why can’t I get a blood return?” the other muttered, stabbing and rootling around in yet another vein. Being a civilised human being (Kelley was close enough for her pheromones to remind me I really am a grownup) I channelled my instinct–to maimkilldestroy Stabby Nurse–into crushing Smiley Nurse’s hand while my blood pressure, normally 90/60, shot up to 152/88.
It turned out okay. We’re all still here. Mostly. (I have very strong hands–though, y’know, lovely and soft.)
I told you a few weeks ago that I had health stuff going on. I can now report that after every test, probe, scan, and exam known to medicine, no one is really any the wiser. (I am, however, rather irritable, bruised, and behind schedule.) Diagnosis: as well as MS (duh), I have “undifferentiated spondyloarthropathy which includes enthesitis, tendonitis, and polyarthritis. Unknown trigger. Sub-optimal control.” This is a fancy way of saying, Wow, you swelled up one night and hurt a lot and we don’t know why but it seems to be going away so let’s hope it doesn’t ever come back: interesting! (A/k/a yupyupyupyup.) I’m also anaemic, with no readily apparent cause. (My doctors have two equally unlikely–in my opinion–theories: an unfindable AV malformation, and/or malabsorption as a result of one of the drugs I take.) Apart from that I’m healthy as a carthorse. Course of action: Change that one drug, take Mondo Iron three times a day, and get another blood test in three months. Thank you, that will be $4,000.
Right now I feel fine. Benevolent, even. But if ever you’re tempted to get close holding a cannula-over-needle device, bear in mind that after a few months of eating the Eiffel Tower one piece at a time I will be able to crush your spine with my little finger. My lovely soft little finger.
If, by some freak chance of fate & nature, I am ever keeping your company in the hospital, how about you grab my forearm for comfort? That sounds lovely.
It sucks that you were sick. It sucks that they have no idea why. It DOESN'T suck that you are getting better. I'll take “better,” even if it comes with crappy strings attached.
I too hate IVs. But only because I am a giant baby. You sound a hell of a love braver than me.
Hey Nicola, I know how you feel, believe me. I have Crohn's Disease, and rolling veins, so when they want to take blood tests every three months, and give me colonoscopies every 4 months, I have to endure the same freakin' thing, with vampire nurses grumbling that they can't find a vein, or can't get the darned needle in the vein, though I explained to them that I have crappy veins, so could they please break out the butterfly needles and the heating packs and the IV expert FIRST, instead of having every dang nurse on staff try and fail? So yeah, I feel for ya, sistah! Yanno,I just wrote an article for MercerIsland.patch.com on a nutrition expert (with a slew of degrees) named Joy Supplee who has had great success helping people with autoimmune reactions and symptoms by figuring out what foods and chemicals in foods that they're sensitive to, and then removing those things from their diet. Her business is called Custom Fit Nutrition, and if I had insurance, I'd be parked on her doorstep myself.
I hope the change of meds works for your iron levels… XOX
Nicola, I've written to you about a botanical protocol I created for my friends with MS. It is working well and if you would like to know more about it I will be happy to send you the protocol in its latest incarnation, as well as links to the research behind it.
My friend that is using it is about your age and was diagnosed about 15 years ago. She was on vacation recently and told me she had ridden a bike and gone kayaking for the first time since her diagnosis. My sister has just started the supplement protocol a month ago and is experiencing a return of her energy, even in the heat wave in the area she lives in here in the U.S. I'm at barba.kutzner@gmail.com if you are interested in knowing more about this. Take care.
Ok, here's my question: WHY didn't they allow Kelley in the room?
Also, did they try ultrasound-guided IV placement? I've seen that work well with the most difficult IV starts but not every facility has that option.
I'm sure Crushed Hand Nurse is fine. Kudos to you and maimkilldestroy!
mordicai, it's just that I find violence soothing…
DeAnn, thanks for the info.
Jude, me too. First, I suspect, I'll have to feel queasy for a couple of weeks. Sigh.
barba, thanks.
Meredith, it seemed like a reasonable choice at the time: busy, crowded situation with no room for civilians. I'd never heard of ultrasound-guided IV placement. It sounds fabulous (in a I-never-want-it-near-me kind of way).
Nicola, My partner has always been allowed into every procedure we have asked her to attend because when I need a procedure, I am VERY SICK and it is in their interest to let her come in with me. I have a brain stem TBI with difficulty voicing and breathing (moving and feeling). If I have a procedure, she is with me in case I need to communicate something. When it is in their interest to keep you calm and compliant with procedures, they don't hesitate to allow your CPA in with you.
Pia, sorry to hear about your TBI. (Oh, and by the way–thanks, and cheers!)