Bitch. Cripple. Dyke.* Only some people can get away with using these words—and only sometimes, and in certain circumstances.
The rules are simple: If you’ve had such a word hurled at you as a term of abuse, you may then reclaim the word and use it as a self-identifier, or—among other self-indentifiers—as a term of admiration.
Any other circumstances, any, make your use of the term an insult and a fighting word.
Clear? Good.
* There are, of course, many similar words that insult whole classes of people. But it’s not a good idea to speak on behalf of a group to which one doesn’t belong. You know the words I mean. Out in the real world, when you hear (or see) someone use one, call the user on it. You’ll be making the world a better place. And, yes, I’ve said all this before but it bears repeating.
Nicola Griffith 
Excellent advice! I’d also consider the person hurling the insult at you. Does their good opinion truly matter?
I just read a story about Clara Tice, a New York artist who lived during the 1910s in New York City. Anthony Comstock, founder of the Society of the Suppression of Vice (responsible for the Comstock law, which was used to imprison Margaret Sanger for informing the public about contraceptives) tried to confiscate some of her artwork from a bohemian restaurant. The incident made Tice’s name. Magazines like Vanity Fair started showing her work.
The moral of the story being attracting the ire and anger of the wrong people can also get the attention of the right ones. :) Here’s hoping!
I admire you quite a lot, Nicola. A word is just that, a word. The user’s intention is part of, nay actually the most important part of a word. You seem to get that with your word jiu Jitsu a.