Like everyone else in Seattle (and half the world) I’ve been reduced to cutting my own hair. Here’s how it’s supposed to look—how it looked last October at the Washington State Book Awards. My hair needs are simple: cropped close, textured and tidy, and most definitely nowhere near to touching my face (I hate that; hate it.) I need to be able to shampoo, rub it dry with a towel, and leave the house.
I last had it cut professionally on February 7. By the time my next appointment came round in early March the salons here were still open but I cancelled my appointment. I was already in self-isolation because, y’know, pandemic—though people still weren’t calling it that then. By the last week of March the pandemic was official and my hair was insanely shaggy. I hadn’t cut it because a) cutting your own hair never goes well, and b) all I had was a pair of gigantic blue kitchen shears, which were pretty blunt. But needs must so, fuck it, I started hacking. I did it a bit at a time, and after a couple of days here’s what I had. I looked a bit…monkish.
It was too smooth and uniform. So when it was time to cut it again a few days later (my hair grows fast) I had a go at random texture. For years I’d been watching Douglas Rosenow, my stylist, use shears and a razor to texture it. How hard could it be? Uh well… (Sorry, Douglas, for butchering your lovely hairstyle.)
After a bit more work I got it to okay, and it stayed okay for a while but my hair, as hair tends to, kept growing. So every few days I’d just hack another bit off what I could see on the front, top, and sides. Mostly it wasn’t too bad; for Zoom calls I’d rub some hair clay in and it worked, mostly. But I was using a lot of clay, and the back was growing wild. So I bought some proper scissors, and—in case of disaster—some clippers.
And now my cutting became truly random: I couldn’t see what I was doing so I would just reach back with the scissors and snip anything in reach. Here’s recently-washed hair drying in the sun—from the front not too awful (not great, but not awful) but when you see the back and sides you can see how thick and full the bits I can’t reach are, and how messy the neck line is—particularly on the left. This is because the first time I reached back there I stabbed myself with the scissors and bled on stuff so I’m much more tentative now on that side. Also, look how grey I’m going on the right side at the back and temple. (Why just the right side? Who knows.)
And here how it looks now—well, how it looked on Wednesday last week when I put the last bit of hair clay in, tidied it up as best I could, and did another video reading. The photo is a bit gauzy because it’s a still from a 720p video (I find 4k and even 1040p too unforgiving, so deliberately dial down the resolution). Also, I’m wearing a smidge of eyeliner and a necklace—which in the last few years is as close as I ever get to dressing up. For Extreme Formal add a jacket.
In this frozen moment of time with kind lighting (facing a window) I think it looks pretty okay, but it won’t last—in fact the perfect moment has already passed and the back is becoming truly unmanageable. Sometime soon I’ll be forced to take the plunge and resort to more drastic measures. What, exactly, and when are as yet unclear. I’ve charged the clippers and figured out how to attach the blade guards but I haven’t screwed myself to the sticking point. Not yet. Right now I’m acutely jealous of Kelley who started growing her hair out late last summer and whose only concession to pandemic fashion is to occasionally tie it back out of her face. Tuh. Not fair!
So how about you? How are your adventures in homemade hair?
Nicola Griffith 
Well done! You figured that out fast, and short hair is harder to cut and happens more often. (I hated haircuts so much that no one other than me has cut mine since I was 14. I have always liked being able to do for myself.)
I too hate, absolutely hate!, any hair touching my face or ears! So, I mostly go with a 1 or 2 guard on a razor. However, right before the lock down, I started growing a Mohawk. And apparently, because of cowlicks, it had to be an extremely wide Mohawk. Then everything shut down and my hair grew, and it grew, and I had my wife shave the sides but the razor is old and it hurt. So I let it grow and then, even though I had this tall shock of hair in the middle, everyone on Zoom meetings started freaking out that I had hair! So I had to shave the sides again… at this point I’ve invested in some better clippers but, they are on back order so… we’ll see what happens in the meantime. Oh! I also learned that when my hair is grown out, it’s much greyer, grayer?, silver, than it seems when it’s shaved close to my head. As they say, more will be revealed!
So glad I got mine buzzed short the Friday before the UK went into lockdown, but beginning to wish I’d asked for a number 1, not a number 2.
So far I’ve managed with nothing more than trimming sideburns and around my ears, but my hair (what’s left of it) grows thick, and my ability to tolerate that in hot weather is limited. I do in theory have guards for my beard trimmer (normally only used for sideburns), but I’m not sufficiently desperate to try it yet.
Like you, I like my hair short & textured, have had hairdresser friend cut my hair exactly as I like it for 20 years. However self isolating for 3 months now has meant 2 home haircuts. I bought a set of hairdressers clippers, got my friend on a whatsapps video call & did a haircut under video supervision. It went better than expected! Happy enough with the result. However on my 2nd attempt, I rashly decided I was an expert now & required no help… outcome not so good, forgot to leave a little extra at the front, and missed bits all over the place. Am now daily cutting chunks with scissors, I really need to put them away. Next cut will be supervised, I obviously need it.
jan, I would always much rather other people do things for me; I was born to have staff. Just sadly, not born to money :)
Laurie, it’s true, when the hair’s long enough to lie flat it reflects light quite differently. I find I quite like the grey (always with an ‘e’ for this Yorkshire lass).
David, I can recommend YouTube tutorials. And multiple mirrors. Ad I read someonwhere (I forget where) that using a phone camera works better than using a mirror. Good luck if you try it!
Siobhan, the scissors thing gets addictive. So, yes put them down and walk away! And what a good idea on getting an in-person tutorial for one’s first time. That’s definitely something to ponder.
Giggled myself into highly suspect status in the household while reading your homemade hair piece. Thank you. Though myn’s been as short as yours, recently I have gone the same route as Kelly and am tying the silvery stuff in knots left and right. Woo.