I haven’t posted here for over a month. I had to cancel our trip to World Fantasy in New Orleans. I’ve been missing on social media. I have not read the books I promised and not written the blurbs I offered. I haven’t been commenting on politics or history or all things viral.1 I’ve been ignoring friends’ invitations and enquiries. Why? Late summer was horrible; I’ve been overwhelmed.
I’ve already mentioned events of July, when Kelley was laid off2, I broke the cuboid bone in my foot, and then had a bruising wheelchair crash. What I haven’t talked about before here is that Kelley’s mother has Alzheimer’s which has been rapidly increasing upon her. And two months ago she fell, broke her hip and arm, and got concussion.
It’s been difficult. Kelley and I are both exhausted and stressed and working hard on taking care of an old and fragile woman with dementia (and forgets she’s just had her hip replaced and is wearing a cast and tries to walk) and her old and confused husband. We have no time, we have no bandwidth, we don’t know how long this will last or what the future holds. Those of you who have had to manage this kind of thing don’t need telling; those of you who haven’t, well, I hope you never do.
One of the things that adds to the stress is having to renege on promises and cancel things. So let me be clear here: if you ask me a favour3 in the next three months you will not even get the courtesy of a no. Until late winter/early spring, my focus will be very close to home.
Not everything that I’ve been busy with the last couple of months has been bad. The good thing, the best thing—the thing that’s kept me sane—is MENEWOOD. I have a lot to say, and I’ll do that in a separate post, but for now here’s the headline: It’s done, it’s entering the publisher’s production cycle, and oh it will be worth the wait!
Also coming soon here news of a couple of events this month and next, plus the usual holiday books-as-gifts notice.
Meanwhile, it’s truly autumn here in Seattle, and amazingly we still have vivid yellow begonias in bloom, fuchsias brightening both decks and the front bed, and even a few salvia of various colours and shapes giving hummingbirds nectar. The cats are in fine fettle, I love my sweetie and she loves me, and I’m already chortling over the writing ideas I have for what comes next.
Here at Chez Nickel there will be a lot to be thankful for over turkey this year. I wish the same for you.
1 There is so very much to say about this. I could write ten fucking posts and still not get it off my chest.
2 Oh, I could write such a screed about this, and perhaps one day I will.
3 A favour, as opposed to paid opportunity, invitation to something seriously fun, or normal professional activities
Nicola Griffith 
I’m so sorry. Anything I could say to try to comfort you seems hopeless inadequate in the face of what you’re coping with. All I can say is once again you’re pulling through like the literary goddess you’ve always been to me, drawing comfort from Menewood and finishing it, in spite of everything that’s happening. Heroically done.
Sending you, your sweetie, and your kitties all gentle and loving wishes for a real, honest-to-God (metaphorical, non-bone related) break, and a thrilled congratulations on Menewood’s doneness!
Sending you vibes. and I hope you can gather help and support locally – that is a lot at once! and dementia care is so challenging. <3
Is there any way you can call a hospital’s home health services? Your income may qualify you for subsidized or free help. Her income may qualify her for subsidized or free help. (We’re in Oregon and it exists here, but our income is higher, so we have someone come in for a couple of times a week for cash money). Call the Medicare help line and maybe they can direct you as well.
My heart goes out to you and Kelley. That all sucks on many fronts. I have had to do the parental thing but not dementia (though I did have both parents in different hospitals at the same time) and I was also much younger. There’s something to be said for being orphaned in your 40s. Take care. I look forward to Menewood!
I’m so sorry you’re both having to deal with all that. I’m glad the book is done!
I’m so sorry. Thinking of you and your family, and best wishes for getting through it. Looking forward to buying Menewood!
I have been there, done that, without my own broken bones and crashes. I send you empathy and the strongest vibes possible. Don’t forget to take care of yourselves. Can’t wait for Memewood!!!!! So glad that’s out of your hands for now.
I’m very sorry to read about your and Kelley’s appalling summer. I trust the winter will reverse your fortunes with healing and the very best wishes – and assistance – of those who love you.
Sorry to hear about your terrible summer. I hope things are looking up for you both.\
Waiting patiently for your next book…
Take care of yourself while taking care of family. Have been there and know how exhausting it can be. We will still be here loving all you write and supporting you both in Spirit as you navigate one of Life’s true challenges. Prayers for strength & comfort.
Dear Nicola, this sounds like a horrible ordeal, the kind of experience you just want to have over but know that there is no shortcut, no way out except through it, when all you can do is grit your teeth, steel yourself, and keep going. You have all my sympathy. I know that you are strong, and that probably there are moments when you’d really rather not be strong except there’s no other way to be. Sigh. Congratulations on Menewood. I’m glad you had some light sifting through that dark tunnel. I hope you can continue to find solace in the flowers and the hummingbirds. Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.
A terrible summer and you have my sympathy. I hope the coming winter and the new year of 2023 treats you better.
If you ever do decide to write the saga of Kelley’s layoff I would look forward to reading it. “Layoff” is one of those whitewashing words like “downsizing” and “gentrification” which are all too easy for some people to use.
I’ve been there done that. Is a home health aid possible to help carry some of this load?
Sending healing and peace ☮️ to you all.
Do as many seriously fun things as you can! Use that anger and frustration for good. Take care of Kelly and let her take care of you. End of unsolicited advice sent with love and gratitude for Menewood.
Nicola,
You don’t know me, but you once, without any prompting from me, said some very nice things about a book I wrote, and you recommended it to others. It was about 20 years ago and I’ve never forgotten. I’m mentioning this because I’m moved by your current troubles, hope they abate soon, and I want you to know that in the midst of it, there are probably many people like me who have been touched by your kindness and generosity. It’s clearly a difficult time in life for you and your family; while it’s not easy, it can be meaningful and rewarding to know you’re a big part of The Solution. Thanks for being that, even to those who might never recognize your heroism, and to those whom perhaps you don’t even know, like me.
@Russell NOTES ON DIRECTING—I loved that book! I’m delighted I was of some help. And it does help to know I’ve helped others. Thank you.
@dgm1952 Pre-pandemic it would have been a lot easier. But now all systems are overloaded, overwhelmed, and understaffed. We’ve already been let down by two sets of people. Obviously we’ll figure it out, and equally obviously there’s never a good time for this to happen, but I do think this is one of the worst times in recent memory for it to happen. Sigh.
@Tom It seriously pissed me off. But right now naming-and-shaming is waaaay down on my list of priorities. But maybe one day.
@Patricia Thank you. Yes, no way through but through—it’s like writing a huge book :) The only way to do it is to do it. There are times I could do with a miracle, though
@Lyn, thanks
@Barbara, Thanks. I hope you’re doing okay
@Elaine, I hear you. I’m an orphan and although I miss my parents, for the last couple of months I’ve been grateful every day that at least we don’t have to take care of my family, too
It’s harder than writing a book, Nicola, because it involves life and death. Having lost my editor, publisher, agent and new publisher, and now forced to tackle self-publishing–something for which I am horribly ill-equipped–I am addressing the situation with determination; and although I’m sometimes at wits’ end, (and frequently irritated and angry) I am not dealing with the depthe of physical and emotional pain that I suspect you are having to shoulder. Meantime, I always think of you with gratitude and admiration.
@Patricia, sometime towards the end of this month—no bandwidth right now—let’s catchup?
Oh sweetie. I’ve been through this. I understand. I’m not good at social media. I don’t check in often and I suck at connecting but my heart is with you.
So sorry to hear, Nicola. I been there, done that for my Aunt in 2007-08. Grueling.
I’d love that. I’m so glad that Menewood is in the pipeline! I’ll reach out after Thanksgiving.
Nicola, Serena and I are praying for all of you. I hope we can meet up again before too terribly long!
So sorry to hear about your misfortunes. I can sympathize as my mother also has Alzheimers. Here’s hoping everyone mends and is whole again soon.
I’m so looking forward to Menewood!
Best,
Johanna
@Tim, thank you. Me too. And assuming you’re still at the AOL address, you should see email from me later today
Hi Nicola! Its been so long since we last spoke. I miss you & Kelley. I’m sorry to hear of your trials over the past few months. My new wife Betty Frizzell & I would love to meet you for coffee/tea sometime. We both have life experiences that might help you through these tough times. Betty too is a writer. My father is in assisted living in his retirement home. Bless his heart. Love you both, keep your faith. Gary